A shot of repellent please?

"An idiot, an imbecile who lacks sanity and attention. A person whose in desperate need of something unattainable. Who thinks his/her life is worthless and is prisoned by his/her present life experiences. A hopeless retard!"

That's how I looked into those people who commit suicide. They suck! Life is worth living and enjoying. To enjoy things on earth is one reason why we live. To be happy! For myself, for my family and friends, for others. And so as I look into those people who wasted their life and to some who attempted ending theirs, It's not sympathy nor pity I feel for them, anger and hatred it is. I know people whom I personally knew and some are actually a not so close friends who committed suicide. One I knew is a person having some girlfriend problems and out of his stupidity, he jumped off a two-storey high school building(he only suffered from an ankle pain or dislocation or whatever though). Also a friend of mine, (I think it's too confidential for us to know the reason) intentionally drank a bottle of an insect repellent. Another is my eldest sister's classmate during high school, drank a bottle of bleach(the one used in laundry i think). Good thing all of them are crazy enough not to be accepted in heaver nor hell(You three!!! If you've read this which I'm sure you'll not because even a short paragraph would laze you to read, stop whining and let's just learn from your heroic doings XD). I laugh every time I and some friends discuss about it. And hey!! This is life that God gave to us. It's a privilege, a gift, an opportunity to be a part of this whole thing called mankind.

But things changes. Things happen and sometimes it changes the way we think, our point of views, our philosophies, the way we see life. In a man's voyage of life, there are times when the wind favors us and we just have to set our sail to our planned destination. There are also times of heavy storms and gigantic waves, hurricanes, and whirlpools, and sometimes sea-monsters (just exaggerating, I am picturing the Pirates of the Carribean era). Personally, this part of life I am now living is a heavy storm. Of course, I being the captain, and if related to my personality, I would do what is necessary to do and if there's nothing more of a man's control, I'll just sit calmly and wait for the storm to stop. Die if I were to die, lucky if gotten alive.

Career, Relationships, Friends and Families, Future, Responsibilities, etc. Everyone wish for a good one. But as I said, The wind is not always at your side. Enumerating problems would not be a good idea since I'm not begging for sympathy. With all that was happening to me right now, Oftentimes I feel like giving up. And yah! The one's I called idiot and imbecile who lacks attention and sanity could also be me. Honestly, a .0012%(approximately haha!) of me thinks ending my life would clear things out. In a bus ride, I am thinking of the possibilities of what if's. What if this bus loses it's breaks and would fall off an abyss? In walking at streets, What if someone stab me directly to my vital organs and died immediately?? All that and more I am thinking of. And later on would tell myself, It's just my family and some friends who'll be there at my funeral. It'll only took them days, or weeks, or a month of mourning. And after that, it's all good! things would go back to normal. My problems would be cleared out. And less problem and headache i'll be giving them when I'm not around. But then of course there's now way I'll do that. It is an unforgivable sin to God. Yup! Problems are all solved, but what's next after it? Spending eternity with that evil horny guy(LOL) and would gargle mayonnaise in hell?? Eerrrrr! I don't want even a glimpse of hell!!! If suicide would be approved by human law, I think, I'd still say no. I don't want to bathe with my own blood nor having a rope marks in my neck in my funeral. It's just things such as those come in our mind. Good thing I was raised by a pastor(yes I am a pastor's kid! often misconceived) and a good man in the person of my father.

Huh!! This is just a test of a true believer. Surpassing this could be a breakthrough of something more out of me. No one would help me but myself. And also with God being always there. It's a great feeling there's One whom I can turn into. As Timone & Pumba's philosophy says, "It means no worries, for the rest of your days.. It's a problem free.. Philosophy.. Hakkuna Matata!" LOL

Ooooh well.. As I am writing this blog right now, I regret being a blogger. I regret promoting this site to those friends. I regretted introducing even my nickname as "jiMboy". I should have stick with what I always do. And that is to keep myself private and mysterious as I could be. And the new theme is for the new beginning I think. No more Mr. Teen idol wannabe. What you see is what you'll get. I think most bloggers later on regret being one. But once you started it, There's no coming back especially when your heart is on narrations and writings. For a period of time, you'll fade. This is my first post since last month I think, and with that month of hiatus, my notes are filled with stories and experiences waiting for me to write them.

scold-jah' boy

Joggling of thoughts that best soothes my present mind state, I play poker on my browser. It's been a long time since my last post and now is the perfect time to make a new one but my mind hardly gives me a thing to write. Until my dad called me.

Itay: "Nakita mu ba 'yung telepono?(wireless one)

jiMboy: "Wala po ba sa baba?" (I'm upstairs playing poker)
(I searched for it and found it at my sister's place)

jiMboy: "Pa, Eto po o."
(hand it to him.)

(The phone has no charge. And surely can't receive outgoing calls)

Itay: "Sa susunod pag ginamit nyo telepono ibaba nyo rin agad ha! Hindi nyo inaayos eh!"

jiMboy: ...

Yes. It is a summary of me in this family. I know myself of being naughty, pilyo, makulit, and all that are associated with those words, during my childhood. When I was a child, when I knew I did something wrong or unpleasant, I shook to nervousness that my dad will knew what I did. And as I could expect, I'm being scolded to death. The above situation, I took words from my dad that are not supposed to be all mine. I rarely use the phone. In twenty phone calls received, only one is mine. It is my sisters who used the phone more often. But then, no big deal. I got used to it.

Last night, I came home tired from work plus the heavy traffic and the ignored rain in my clothes. I enter our house. A little talk. My dad noticed the CPU of our desktop computer. In our house where it is usually placed, is a poor ventilated area so it ended up automatically turning off(maybe because of overheating). I did open the cpu cover so it could not store heat inside and an electric fan could keep it cool. Unfortunately, I misplaced the screws somewhere.

Itay: "Ba't ba ganyan 'yung CPU nyan?"

jiMboy: "Tinanggal ko po Pa eh, namamtay po kasi dahil umiinit."

Itay: "Tutukan mo lang ng elektrik fan yan!"

jiMboy: "Kahit may electric fan po namamatay pag nakasara eh"
(I, and my sisters use it. While he uses his laptop so I know it's problem!)

Itay: "Hindi! Tutukan mo lang ng electric fan yan!"
(He never let his pride fades and would never loose a conversation with only his son.)

jiMboy: ... (I'm tired and hungry from work. I am conversing while eating my dinner. And somehow Ignores what he is saying)

Itay: "Nasan na 'yung mga turnilyo?"

jiMboy: "Nasa taas ku lang po 'yun nilagay eh kaya lang d ku na po makita dun sa
pinaglagyan ko." (There it goes!)

Itay: "Binuksan-buksan nyo yan tapos ganyan lang gagawin nyo! Nag-loan pa ko sa HSBC para lang makuha yan. Hanggang ngayon binabayaran ko yan! Tapos binababoy nyo lang!"

Itay: (mumbles...)

jiMboy: ...

I grew up this way. I am the only boy among his three children. He scolds in general but the words are only for me. I know I'm not that perfect son. Not a consistent honor student in my elementary and high school days, unlike my siblings. I fail several units in my present college state. My eldest sister is now a certified public accountant and works at a highly reputed company. The younger is consistently studying.

Being the only male son, I was the favorite. Favorite in terms of chores, doing favors, going to a nearest store to buy something, would ask to wash the dishes, would do the family's laundry
(not joking!), go there, do that, and my great sisters sitting in comfity watching television. I did all things without a word because if not, I'll took a sermon and I'm sick of it. I remember sometimes he told me to buy 10 ventolin(painkillers of asthmatic people), I bought 10, and hand it him and he said "Bakit 10 lang?? di ba sabi ko 15?? Sa susunod iisipin ng mabuti 'yung ginagawa ha?" Shoot!! I never said a word. I know he's always right. He never loses a conversation with me. My dad just calling my name jiMboOoOoOh!! makes my heart pulsate fast thinking if I've done something wrong without my knowledge. If it is not about something I did, it is a favor, a cumpolsary favor I dare not to disobey.

I get used to it, I think it made me a patient, happy person. In school, I don't bother being scold by a professor. My dad trained me of that LOL. I don't take what they are trying to put in my mind and I guess that's the reason I failed a lot. In the saddest moments with my friends, I'm the one whose smiling. I don't want to see loneliness in people's faces so I do something to cheer those frowns. I choose sunny days than romantic nights. You can't see me cry but would always laugh and smile. Kaya siguru kumapal ang muka ko ng ganito. Wahahahhaha XD

I love my dad. He did everything just for us to become like this. There's no perfect dad but there's a perfect heart in them caring for us. I don't judge my dad since I know It was more of me than of him being the wrong. I am a black sheep of my family but then, I am being loved and cared. Actually, this coming school year, I was suppose to graduate. But I am so dedicated to studying(means: I enjoyed too much in life XD), I'll still study more than what it supposed to be. I'm working hopefully to fully support myself. It's hard showing up to my dad with what I've done. His financial responsibility to me was supposedly finish. But he's there still supporting me. Mother's day had just passed but I don't know. It is not supposed to be a father's appreciation entry. But here I go. panindigan ku na =D

Trapped!

Been very tired from work. I got into a situation that I cannot escape. I'm only 19. A 3rd college-course taker and a bum for this past semester. Due to boredom of past sem without school, and as a normal teenager of this era, Internet and my computer inhabits me. Learning many things. And for that, I became a video editor(someone offered and I with a little knowledge, stupidly agree). Traveling from Novaliches to Sucat, Paranaque daily. It was a dumb decision to make. It's tiring. The work I'm doing is a professional matter which not qualifies me. But somehow I can comply with it. It's like an elementary student doing college algebra!

It really pissed me, my blogging time is only making comments for others and none for posting an entry. Grrr! Our Summer Camp is near!(it's still summer even though it rains) and I don't want to be left behind because of my responsibilities! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!! XD

reflection

Last night, going home from my head-aching work, The usual thing, (from the MRT) I rode the FX from North Ave, to Novaliches-Bayan. There I sat in the middle seat in the extreme right where you most get annoyed by unloading passengers(fortunately were in the same unloading place). Rush hour it was. People are tired, pale, rushing home to take their rest is all in everyone's mind. In my left is a girl. She wears white, with her bag, and holds a black jacket maybe to keep her warm in the air-conditioned office. The FX was easily filled by people and we set off immediately. And then I feel her head leaning on my shoulders. Little by little I can feel the weight of her head in me. Because of exhaustion, she easily fells asleep and unconscious.

As the driver brakes, her head slips from my shoulders gaining her consciousness but only for a little while and gets back to sleeping state. At first, I look at it as somehow disturbing knowing that we don't have an idea about each other. But then, what if I'm in her position?? I also did that sometimes when I'm all used up and I can't help but fell unconscious at public places. So I give her my shoulders for her to feel a little comfort. Thinking that simple thing wouldn't hurt but would help. I suffered from a hard cough and I don't want to wake her because of that. Even breathing limits me from moving. I know that she's half-conscious(one-fourth i guess =D) that she knows she's leaning on me. All through out the travel I've seen a pretty girl's wackiest side. Turning her head as if she was possessed, head-banging because of the driver's unawared brake attempts, poise is somewhere far from that certain situation. At first, she only leans her head at me, but as we travel far, her head leans facing me shoulder. She could wet my shirt if she's wet dreaming or something. Me too was totally used-up of work and I worry if I still did smell nice but she's not reacting then maybe I'm not. I've seen her every movement peripherally but not directly since it was dark and looking at her face directly was I think not an appropriate manner. But that doesn't a problem because I got a solution to that since I'm doing that often. My mobile phone, when keypad-locked turns off the lights as if it was a dark mirror. So a little angle would see her face without others idea. She's angelic and cute, but age is predictable. She's around 25-26 years of age(the way she dresses) which lessen my admiration(tanda na nya! haha). It is now time to depart ways. I was the one who gets out the FX and that was the only time she's truly awaken. Knowing she might stumble because of a quick response to her consciousness, I looked after her and she gains her balance and immediately leaves.

Disappointed I was, she walks the route I was into. So I was walking behind her but not intended. There I was expecting a little appreciation. Even an eye-contact could tell me her regards. But as as she walks into a commercial place, light strikes her face and her whole being leaving me so disappointed and I said to myself: "pambihirang buhay ar'e u'oh!"

In my head, I saw Jay Contreras as if he was my little angel conscience singing "ChicksiloOoOoOog... babaeng may itlog!!"

blek!

I'm struggling on what layout should I use. Kind of annoying. Before it was a plain black default blogger layout but people thinks of it as an emo-authored work(which is quite not). I wonder why color black triggers sad emotions, death, fear, evil, or any negative things in the minds of many. But black also denotes strength, power, mystery, prestige, elegance, and authority.

"I use black, black is good! ... my name is WEYN!"

as being said in a shampoo advertisement.

Changing my layout, I thought of things that suits my immature personality. Like being a cartoon freak! My all time favorite was the classic tome&jerry. So I searched for pictures of them and even searched for layouts. I laze searching for it so I think I'll portray the manly side of me. Talking about manly, poker comes first in my mind haha!(immature still!) I'm a poker freak(who stays up all night playing poker at browsers) who enjoys playing poker at it's fullest hahaha! Grabbing some playing card pictures, It is now a white(second favorite color next to black) poker theme blog. But my mind changes like a craving pregnant mom. And yup! I've changed it again and again.. I ended up restoring my old template which is black. But I added a picture of patrick star because I always see myself on his shoe(and a little color i guess!). Well.. I don't mind others calling it emo. Because truly this is not. Nothing against those people but honestly, I myself is bored reading emotional griefs or "the-world-hate-me" articles. But there are those creative bloggers who can deliver it the interesting way. So there.. I ended up being immature haha! but who cares?? this is what I am! XD Nothing more to say.

pig-tails

Goodbye fluffy thick hair! This is how I do look like right now. I cut my hair. This is the 3rd time in my 19 years of living to cut my hair this short. Every semi-bald haircut has it's own story and to share things out, here it goes..

The first time I cut my hair like this is in my elementary days, grade5 to be exact, where I suggested within my classmates to have the same haircut as mine(because I think it would be cool, and later, other schoolmates did the same). Second is I think last year. Out of curiosity and a seek for change and uniqueness, I dye my hair yellow. I was like Ely Buendia of the "pupils" with my hair in my lower back of my head yellow. It lasted for I think 2 or 3 days and after that, comments and critics of mine scattered. For those friends who has an adventurous thinking and personality, they say "ayos yan pre! astig!". Yes! I know it would be because that's how I want it to be. But for those not so young people, church goers, and my dad, "Anu ba yang ginawa mo sa sarili mo? Alam mu ba kung anu sinasabi ng mga tao jan sa buhok mo? nakakhiya!" leaving me no choice, I did the semi-kalbo! Ho ho ho! and the third time is about couple of days passed.

All those stories have one thing in common an that is I ended up being scolded by my dad. My Dad and my Mom(now that she's here with us from abroad), strongly disagree with me, doing such thing dyeing or cutting my hair a quarter of an inch. For them, having that hair is an invitation towards trouble, an uncivilized look, a foolish looking person, blah blah blah! Having my hair before is seemed good. I can look formal, casual, rugged nasty boy, a boy who doesn't took bath, and the craziest I can. The thing that made me do this hairstyle again is because one day I took a bath and found a scissor in the bathroom mirror. Well.. unlike other men, I don't really care much for my hair so having the scissors, with no hesitations, I tried to cut some hair. At the sides, at the back and anywhere I feel like cutting hoping I'll came up with a look that is something new!

Being a son of a pastor or a church worker includes a user manual on how things should be done. A responsibility which you have no choice but to follow. Every move we make, we should consider what would be its impact towards our parents, or what will others say against the family. I'm not much of a disobeyer and breaks rules often but I do things which I think soothes me and feeds my curiosity knowing that I don't stepped on others and would not disrespect anyone, and if there would be someone gets hurt, that would only be me.

Going back with the hair, I was fascinated by people who had sideburns(patilya). The hairline that connects from the sideburns to the mustache and the beard(where whiskers grow). I admire Fernando Poe Jr., Joseph Estrada, Hugh Jackman, Elvis Presley, and others for that reason. I always wanted that but no matter how I grow my sideburns, it stays at its hairline limit above the ears. I literally cut my own hair and that was one I thing I set goals for. But then, I failed again. With that, I ended up at the barber shop. I went in a local shop where those goon-like looking men who sticks cigarette time by time are the ones whose in charge of the haircut. I don't bother going at salons since I wanted a hair that can be done with an effort of a little. But again, seeking for uniquity and self-identity, I said to the barber, leave some hair at my lower back. Some kind of a pigtail. And there I have it. I have pig tails haha! but no hours passed my housekeeper disliked it. Being obedient to my housekeeper, again I cut it myself. =D

With a hair like this, I can only portray either a good, innocent person, or a rude one. I choose to be rude haha! and to add the rude look, I did some cut at my left eyebrow as if I got it from a fight. And here I am. It's fun playing with other people's reactions the way I act. It's makes me think that I am more intellectually dominant than them(which I think haha!) that I have more to show than of them.

the first employment..

I didn't expect things like this. My friend whose working in an office contacted me and asking if I wanted to work. To be her assistant. Of course I really have to think about it. Considering that I am not yet graduated, no working experience, etc. I also doubt myself if I am capable of the work that will be given to me. She asked me if I am familiar with Windows Movie Maker(WMM) then I said yes! I've done some projects doing WMM. Then she said, "then good! text mo ko kung sure ka na.." And no hours passed until I accepted the offer. No requirements needed, no interviews, no practical examinations, just all verbal agreement. It made me decide faster knowing that it is summer, no classes and I have nothing to do at home. Besides, the verbal contract will took only 2 to 3 weeks depending on how fast will I work. Being excited about it, I ask people who are involved with the same school(school is where the work is), ask them where's the office and how to get there and fortunately, people are glad to help. I accepted it for me to gain experience and least priority would be the salary(plastik! haha!).

The day came that I should report at the office. I woke up very early about 4:30am(not used to waking up early! XD) I left the house 5:15am.. I rode bus and approaching edsa was a really devastating, rude, ugly traffic!!! the school is at Sucat, Paranaque. real far from home. And I came 2 hours late! haha! good thing one of my boss is my friend. And people are not that strict about time(maybe because it's summer.. school is not hectic). There they set-up the computer I'll be using. Yay! I have my own place at the office, with a company computer assigned to me. Well.. I am oriented but not like the strict office, it is an informal one. Were like friends in there. There's no pressures but should know your work. I being there, was supposed to edit the student's videos. It is a Christian music school. My work will be editing and furnishing the recitals videos of the students. Hearing those violins, drums, voice, piano, some are good, some are not yet good. But it's good seeing some potential musicians trained to serve God in the future. I play some instrument like Guitar, Drums, Viola, a little Piano, I know how to play but not good at it and hopefully I'll be like those kids someday. In my work assignment, at first it took me about thirty minutes to finish one project. But as I spend more time doing it, It's pretty easy getting the knack of it. And as I get the right hook and stroke, I could say even a thirteen year old could do what I am doing. And I got the chance of seeing the school. The field, laboratories, rooms, offices, and some familiar people are in there. Mostly are people who knew my dad(it's because we're once in a same denomination) and that gave me an advantage. Yup! it's a new thing to me. The surroundings, environment, of being an office man. But the work seems to be familiar because in my house, I spend lots of time facing the computer so it would be easy.


I truly enjoy working. When I work, commuting to office, etc., I feel the sense of independency in me. I feel like I am a grown man who knows everything in life. I decide where to ride going in there, I travel alone thinking of random things, blogging in my mind(out of nowhere, i crave for dictionary to find word meanings and definitions), and I do things in the office not only because I wanted to, but a responsibility. In home, where I do some computer stuffs, when i get lazy, I momentarily forget what I am doing and do other things instead. But in the office, there's when I get lazy doing things repeatedly(I guess most office works are like that), I remind myself, "this is not a non-sense stuff you do at home to kill boredom.. it is your job!" And from there I get pumped-up continuing work. It just happens that teacher beng and teacher monica(my bosses!) was playing browser games and I can't help watching and join them playing haha! So during little breaks, you'll see me playing diner dash!haha!

Today is the Labor day! tomorrow is my third day of my three weeks of work, I'm lucky to have experience a holiday.haha! Right now Maybe I should use this day to rest because I got colds and coughs. I got it when being exposed to heavy pollution(because of commuting). I remember at the office working with an uncontrollable flow of uhog in my nose. I've got a lot of plans to do today so I think I should take a little rest and continue my routine later....