A shot of repellent please?

"An idiot, an imbecile who lacks sanity and attention. A person whose in desperate need of something unattainable. Who thinks his/her life is worthless and is prisoned by his/her present life experiences. A hopeless retard!"

That's how I looked into those people who commit suicide. They suck! Life is worth living and enjoying. To enjoy things on earth is one reason why we live. To be happy! For myself, for my family and friends, for others. And so as I look into those people who wasted their life and to some who attempted ending theirs, It's not sympathy nor pity I feel for them, anger and hatred it is. I know people whom I personally knew and some are actually a not so close friends who committed suicide. One I knew is a person having some girlfriend problems and out of his stupidity, he jumped off a two-storey high school building(he only suffered from an ankle pain or dislocation or whatever though). Also a friend of mine, (I think it's too confidential for us to know the reason) intentionally drank a bottle of an insect repellent. Another is my eldest sister's classmate during high school, drank a bottle of bleach(the one used in laundry i think). Good thing all of them are crazy enough not to be accepted in heaver nor hell(You three!!! If you've read this which I'm sure you'll not because even a short paragraph would laze you to read, stop whining and let's just learn from your heroic doings XD). I laugh every time I and some friends discuss about it. And hey!! This is life that God gave to us. It's a privilege, a gift, an opportunity to be a part of this whole thing called mankind.

But things changes. Things happen and sometimes it changes the way we think, our point of views, our philosophies, the way we see life. In a man's voyage of life, there are times when the wind favors us and we just have to set our sail to our planned destination. There are also times of heavy storms and gigantic waves, hurricanes, and whirlpools, and sometimes sea-monsters (just exaggerating, I am picturing the Pirates of the Carribean era). Personally, this part of life I am now living is a heavy storm. Of course, I being the captain, and if related to my personality, I would do what is necessary to do and if there's nothing more of a man's control, I'll just sit calmly and wait for the storm to stop. Die if I were to die, lucky if gotten alive.

Career, Relationships, Friends and Families, Future, Responsibilities, etc. Everyone wish for a good one. But as I said, The wind is not always at your side. Enumerating problems would not be a good idea since I'm not begging for sympathy. With all that was happening to me right now, Oftentimes I feel like giving up. And yah! The one's I called idiot and imbecile who lacks attention and sanity could also be me. Honestly, a .0012%(approximately haha!) of me thinks ending my life would clear things out. In a bus ride, I am thinking of the possibilities of what if's. What if this bus loses it's breaks and would fall off an abyss? In walking at streets, What if someone stab me directly to my vital organs and died immediately?? All that and more I am thinking of. And later on would tell myself, It's just my family and some friends who'll be there at my funeral. It'll only took them days, or weeks, or a month of mourning. And after that, it's all good! things would go back to normal. My problems would be cleared out. And less problem and headache i'll be giving them when I'm not around. But then of course there's now way I'll do that. It is an unforgivable sin to God. Yup! Problems are all solved, but what's next after it? Spending eternity with that evil horny guy(LOL) and would gargle mayonnaise in hell?? Eerrrrr! I don't want even a glimpse of hell!!! If suicide would be approved by human law, I think, I'd still say no. I don't want to bathe with my own blood nor having a rope marks in my neck in my funeral. It's just things such as those come in our mind. Good thing I was raised by a pastor(yes I am a pastor's kid! often misconceived) and a good man in the person of my father.

Huh!! This is just a test of a true believer. Surpassing this could be a breakthrough of something more out of me. No one would help me but myself. And also with God being always there. It's a great feeling there's One whom I can turn into. As Timone & Pumba's philosophy says, "It means no worries, for the rest of your days.. It's a problem free.. Philosophy.. Hakkuna Matata!" LOL

Ooooh well.. As I am writing this blog right now, I regret being a blogger. I regret promoting this site to those friends. I regretted introducing even my nickname as "jiMboy". I should have stick with what I always do. And that is to keep myself private and mysterious as I could be. And the new theme is for the new beginning I think. No more Mr. Teen idol wannabe. What you see is what you'll get. I think most bloggers later on regret being one. But once you started it, There's no coming back especially when your heart is on narrations and writings. For a period of time, you'll fade. This is my first post since last month I think, and with that month of hiatus, my notes are filled with stories and experiences waiting for me to write them.